The Passion Trap
Passion.
It’s a word that’s thrown around in high school valedictorian speeches and college graduations all around the world every year and shouted from the rooftops: Follow your passion! Be passionate about what you do! Just…just…DON’T SETTLE FOR LESS THAN YOUR PASSION!
But how many of us are actually given a practical framework for turning subjective proclamations into objective advice that doesn’t leave us frustrated years down the road when we feel misled after doing what we thought we were supposed to do? How many people have “followed their passion,” only to end up miserable years down the road wondering if they heard wrong?
Simon Sinek, in his famous TED talk and subsequent books, talks about how important it is to apply passion to “Why” we choose to pursue what we pursue, not the “What,” i.e. the path itself.
But there is more than one lever when it comes to passion. Here are the four I’m aware of:
Lever No.1 - Being Passionate About WHAT You Do
This is the trap most of us fall into. Johnny has a ‘passion’ for tinkering with things and played with Legos growing up, so he assumes engineering must be his passion. Shirley loves kids, so she assumes teaching must be her passion. And then they cross their fingers, jump in the vehicle, and drive for 40 years hoping for the best. What a plan.
The issue with pulling this particular lever is three-fold:
1.) We assume if it is our “true passion,” that it should be a non-stop, pulse-pumping thrill ride the majority of the time. We see celebrities in movies and athletics performing at their craft and we think, “Man, that’s what passion looks like!” And we may be right, but we only see the 5% of the iceberg above the water. We don’t see the painstaking work that sucks 95% of the time below-water that allows the results (the 5%) to shine through. So we give up on our dreams when we get fatigued, tired, bone-weary, and frustrated at how much toil is going into something that is supposed to just ‘flow so naturally.’ Which leads to the second issue:
2.) Just because something is your passion, doesn’t mean it’s going to be easy or come naturally. As the famous quote goes, “nothing is more common than talent; in fact, talent is as common as table salt.” But grit, effort, thousands of hours put into a craft, that’s uncommon.
3.) Some passions are only meant to be hobbies. I love drumming and music, but if I was required to sit on a drum set 40 hours a week just so I can put food on the table, I’m going to grow to resent it. I’d rather figure out a way to free up my time and money so I can pursue it on my own terms as a labor of love, not because I’m going to go homeless if I don’t find a way to convert that passion into a way to pay my bills. There are many things in life that bring us joy, but that doesn’t necessarily mean we should make a career out of those things. That’s why I’m an entrepreneur. Which leads to the next lever:
Lever No.2 - Being Passionate About WHY You Do It
95% of the time, I don’t love ‘what’ I do. Meetings, studying, reflecting, networking, conversations, phone calls; it can be a grind more often than not. But it’s also a privilege, and I definitely love ‘Why’ I do those things.
I am passionate about inspiring and empowering others to be their best. I’m passionate about giving hope to the hopeless. I’m passionate about opening people’s minds to other possibilities in life. I’m passionate about showing people a better way to live. I’m passionate about seeing people’s relationships, confidence, faith, and finances improve. I’m passionate about carrying the banner of freedom in front of a generation of Americans who are falling prey to a poisonous culture of government welfare and blaming and victimhood. I’m passionate about honoring our brave men and women who’ve spilled their blood in the name of freedom by empowering the next generation of entrepreneurs to protect those same freedoms they’ve fought so hard to preserve and protect.
If you fall in love with ‘Why’ you do what you do, you’ll be patient enough to wade through the 95% - the painful growth, obstacles, and frustration - that you need to in order to get to that 5%.
Lever No. 3 - Being Passionate About HOW You Do It
There are many necessary tasks and activities and types of work over our life time that are necessary sub-requirements of the overall vision and mission behind your ‘Why,’ but it’s human nature to mentally slog our way through those things with less-than-optimal joy and gratitude when we feel like certain tasks are ‘below us.’
But passion isn’t something that is going to attack you. It’s something that already exists inside each of us.
But what if we chose (emphasis) to bring energy, joy, and the satisfaction of a job-well-executed to everything we did, regardless of how mundane it might be? Life is short, so why not choose to find satisfaction in doing those things the best way you know how? Imagine the pride you’ll feel; not because of how mundane or ordinary the task is, but because your sense of fulfillment instead comes from the way you are reshaping your identity.
As James Clear says in his book Atomic Habits:
“The ultimate form of intrinsic motivation is when a habit becomes part of your identity. It’s one thing to say I’m the type of person who WANTS this. It’s something very different to say I’m the type of person who IS this. The more pride you have in a particular aspect of your identity, the more motivated you will be to maintain the habits associated with it.
It is a simple two step process:
Decide the type of person you want to be
Prove it to yourself with small wins
Ask yourself, who is the type of person who could get the outcome I want? Who is the type of person who gets up early and gets things done?
Every action you take is a vote for the type of person you wish to become. As the votes build up, so does the evidence of your new identity.”
“How would a successful individual approach this task?”
“What is the attitude a successful person would bring to this activity?”
The serendipity of choosing to bring excellence to everything you do is that your sense of empowerment through your identity will carry over into the rest of your life and raise up all of the “important” tasks as well. And I put “important” in quotes, because at the end of the day, everything you choose to do is important - because everything is connected.
Lever No. 4 Being Passionate About WHO You Do It For
Simon Sinek, in his book Infinite Game talks about the importance of pursuing ‘infinite games’ to bring out our passion.
“Infinite games have infinite time horizons. And because there is no finish line, no practical end to the game, there is no such thing as “winning” an infinite game. In an infinite game, the primary objective is to keep playing, to perpetuate the game. In the infinite game, the true value of an organization cannot be measured by the success it has achieved based on a set of arbitrary metrics over arbitrary time frames. The true value of an organization is measured by the desire others have to contribute to that organization’s ability to keep succeeding, not just during the time they are there, but well beyond their own lives. To ask, “What’s best for me” is finite thinking. To ask, “What’s best for us” is infinite thinking.”
What kinds of “games” are Sinek referring to that make us want to devote our whole lives to them?
Well, other words for “games” in this context would be ‘vision,’ ‘mission,’ ‘vocation,’ a ‘cause.’ World hunger. Freedom. Social justice. And what do all of these things have in common?
People.
If your goal in life is finite, i.e. to ‘win’ or reach arbitrary personal milestones such as financial freedom, a certain number of kids, a certain lifestyle, a certain amount of material things, it becomes all about you. And ‘you’ can only interest ‘you’ for so long before it starts to feel empty.
But a cause involving others? Causes outlast our lives, they require an infinite amount of energy and at the same time have a way of bringing out an infinite amount of passion in human beings that buy into a cause. Causes are what set people on fire and make others want to come and see that fire burn.
Maybe that cause initially isn’t about ‘changing the world’ or anything grandiose. Maybe, like me, you’re also passionate about becoming the best future parent, husband, brother, friend, mentor that I can be to others to set an example for those in my sphere of influence and change their lives. I can’t impact thousands of people on my own, but I can impact people who impact people...who impact people.
Conclusion
Without taking the time to look at passion through these different lenses, you will most likely end up pursuing arbitrary milestones that sound good but don’t have much substance behind them. More money. A nicer home. The next vacation. More things. Entertainment and other distractions. Pouring yourself into work for works’ sake.
As Socrates once said, “An unexamined life is not worth living.”
To quote Simon Sinek once more,
“No matter how much money we make, no matter how much power we accumulate, no matter how many promotions we’re given, none of us will ever be declared the winner of life. Our lives are finite, but life is infinite.
To live our lives with an infinite mindset is to live a life of service. No one of us will ever be declared the winner of parenting, friendship, learning or creativity. It’s fair to want the best for your children, except when a finite mindset is the primary strategy. It can give way to ethical fading or push us to become more obsessed with our childs standing in the hierarchy if they are actually learning and growing as a person.
And like all infinite games, in the game of life, the goal is not to win, it is to perpetuate the game. To live a life of service. None of us wants on our tombstones the last balance in our bank accounts. We want to be remembered for what we did for others. Devoted Mother. Loving Father. Loyal friend. To serve is good for the Game.”
So find your game, and play it well. Everything else culture says you should want (material things, lifestyle, etc) will follow, but they will be more enjoyable rewards along the way when they are byproducts and not the main pursuit.