Winners & Losers

The terms “Winner” and “Loser” - especially the term loser - don’t sit well with many people in this politically correct world we live in. But the reality is, no matter how much we try to sugarcoat it, there are winners. And, there are losers. 

If you’re getting offended by my use of the term “Losers,” or maybe you were just offended by the title of this post itself before you even started reading, just remember this quote from Jordan Peterson: "If you're offended by everything, you'll learn nothing. If you're curious about everything, you'll be offended by nothing."

There are many definitions, but I love the one Andrew Huberman borrowed from someone he respects: “Losers take things that happen to them, and they wallow in it and use it for self or outward destruction. Winners take whatever they feel, and it might suck, but they transmute their circumstances into results that are good for themselves and for the world.” 

To put a different way, winners simply interpret their story differently than losers. Winners don’t believe that circumstances are inherently positive or negative. Rather, everything in life comes their way as an opportunity for external success or internal character development. 

To put yet another way, Winners hate wasting time on self-pity. Self-pity is one of the worst of all human emotions, believing that the world inherently owes us something or that life should somehow be more “fair” than it is. But life doesn’t care about “fairness,” it operates on principles. And wealthy people know that every minute of their time spent on self-pity is a minute of judgement from their Creator at the end of their life asking them why they didn’t better steward the time & gifts they’d be given instead of dwelling on what “wasn’t.” 

A winner is someone who persistently takes responsibility for their life, grows through adversity, aligns their actions with higher principles/values (whether personal mission or God's calling), and finishes well regardless of temporary setbacks.

A loser is someone who chronically blames others/circumstances, refuses to grow or adapt, stays stuck in victimhood or self-pity, and ultimately quits on their potential and higher purpose.

The good news? You can choose who you want to be through your actions. But your actions come from your identity. 

IAF - identity, actions, feelings. Don’t let that formula run you - don’t let your feelings dictate your actions which informed your identity. You aren’t who you think you are. But what you think you are, you are.  

A great example of this is Trevor Moawad, author of the books “Getting To Neutral” and “It Takes What It Takes.” 

Trevor was on the verge of being a high school drop-out, with an extremely low self-image and struggles in his studies. And then, something happened. He took the SAT and scored a 1480 out of 1600. All of a sudden, a light bulb went on in his head. ‘Maybe I’m not a loser. Maybe I’m actually smart and can accomplish a lot more than I thought.’ This change in belief led to a whole series of changes. He got into an Ivy league school and went on to become CEO of a successful magazine company. He went on to become a motivational speaker and trainer and is credited by Super Bowl winning quarterback Russell Wilson for the mindset he learned from Trevor. 

Here’s the kicker: Years later, he got a letter in the mail. A letter stating that years ago, there were mistakes made on a handful of SAT scores, his among them. He hadn’t actually scored a 1480. He had scored a 740. But because of the belief the incorrect score generated, he chose an identity that propelled him instead of the one he’d accepted. 

All that to say, no one is born a Winnner or a Loser. We are born Choosers. 

Let’s look at a list of other ways that Winners process things and how Losers process their circumstances and their mindset around their own abilities. 

What are you going to choose?

I want to break this up in two categories: 

1 - Non-financial thought process (relationships, personal abilities, life circumstances)

2 - Financial thought process 

The main reason I’m putting financial analysis in its own distinct category is because due to the fact that most people will have jobs their entire life, the majority of people will spend more time pursuing an income than any other single thing in their life. So it’s an important topic. 

NON-FINANCIAL THOUGHT PROCESS 

Responsibility:

Losers: External locus of control. Blame economy, boss, luck, parents, government, the market, the products are too expensive, no one believes in what I’m doing

Winners: 100% internal locus of control. “Everything is my fault. I own the outcome no matter what.”  

Faith: 

Losers: Probably don’t believe in God; if they did, they’d understand that “if it’s to be, it’s up to me” has limitations and that true greatness comes from partnering with the Creator of the universe who gave you your gifts and wants to partner with you in using them. 

Winners: There’s nothing about doing the work in an effective way that’s outside my control. Individual circumstances might be out of my control, but the Law of Compensation based on simple consistent actions every day is completely within my control. So I’m going to embarrass the law of compensation. If God put it on my heart, He’ll see it through. 

Failure / Setbacks  

Losers: “Unfair.” Get bitter, make excuses, quit, or repeat the same mistake. Not humble enough to seek out help and prefer doing things “the hard way.” 

Winners: “Feedback.” Ask: What did I miss? How do I adjust? Failure is data. Use mentors and coaches as an “unfair advantage” to time travel through others’ mistakes and wisdom they don’t have to waste time figuring out on their own. “Who, Not How.” 

Trusting The Process 

Losers: Live in the past (regrets) or chase short-term pleasure. Procrastinate the reps that compound. Obsessed with fantasies of the future but despise The Process. 

Winners: Future-oriented with extreme clarity on 5–20-year outcomes, but obsessed with today’s actions. Fall in love with the process of improvement and getting better day after day. To them, winning is just as much about executing their plan for the day and the week as it is about the result they get as a result of their systems 12 months from now. 

Criticism & Feedback  

Losers: Avoid criticism, surround themselves with friends and acquaintances and other people who tell them how great they are, get defensive.  

Winners: Actively seek brutal negative feedback faster than anyone else. Ego is kept on a leash. They know that they need to choose between one of two options: They can make money or protect their ego but they can’t do both. Both are painful, but one is just much more painful later on

Work Habit:

Losers: The work is hard

Winners: My attitude about the work is what’s hard

Competition  

Losers: Obsessed with beating others and get jealous of others’ success. Other people winning makes them feel like losers instead of inspiring them to be better

Winners: Obsessed with being better than their former self. Compete against the game itself instead of other people. 

 Reference Point

Losers: Measure themselves against their past self and all the things they haven’t done. 

Winners: Measure themselves against their future self and who they choose to become. 

Matthew McConaughey, when he accepted the 2013 Academy Award for Actor in a Leading Role, shared that when he was fifteen, someone asked who his hero was. He answered, "It's me in ten years." When McConaughey turned twenty-five, the same person asked if he was now a hero. McConaughey said, "Not even close! No, no, no. ... Because my hero's me at thirty-five." The actor explained to the Academy Award audience that his hero is always himself ten years from now, which gives him something to move toward.

Risk  

Losers: Pursue certainty and emotional safety now at the expense of regret later (kick the can down the road - success is “tomorrow’s” problem)  

Winners: Embrace the fear of uncertainty and emotional risk now, over the fear of regret down the road (Galatians 6:9) 

Problems  

Losers: Complain, avoid, outsource, hope problems disappear. They don’t understand that the definition of gratitude is not about looking for the things that are going right in your life, but to embrace the whole story. If you can’t be grateful for all of it, you’ll struggle being grateful for ANY of it. 

Winners: “Problems are gold mines.” Run toward the biggest problems.  Instead of praying to God for less problems, they pray for a stronger back to carry them and learn from them to use them to impact others. They thank God for their problems because success is measured in growth, not time. Bigger problems accelerate growth which accelerate your timeline.

Learning  

Losers: “I already know enough.” Stop learning after school or early career. Losers start businesses too, but they stop trying to grow after becoming JUST competent enough and they plateau. Then, they wonder why their business stalled. 

Winners: Relentlessly curious. Read/study 5–10× more than average. Life = one giant experiment.  

Effort & Work  

Losers: Believe life is a marathon, not a sprint. Therefore they don’t know how to work hard OR rest and end up living a hazy life of drifting, never fully present or engaged intensely or at complete rest.  

Winners: Work like a lion (sprint + rest). High-intensity focus, not 24/7 grind.  Life is a sprint, not a marathon.

Envy / Comparison  

Losers: Constant comparison and resentment.  

Winners: Almost zero envy. Too busy building. Quietly admire and extract lessons.  

Speed of Execution  

Losers: Analysis paralysis, perfectionism, endless planning that makes you feel productive. 

Winners: Massive bias toward immediate action. “Done is better than perfect.” Ship fast, iterate.  

Identity  

Losers: Rigid identity. “This is just who I am” becomes an excuse.  

Winners: Identity is fluid. “I’ll become whatever I need to become to win.” Kill their old selves.  

Luck  

Losers: Believe success is mostly luck → no point working hard.  

Winners: “Luck is preparation meeting opportunity.” Engineer serendipity constantly.  

Boredom

Losers: Will avoid boredom & repetition at all costs

Winners: Know that boredom & repetition is where skills, expertise, character, wisdom, and freedom are developed so they pursue it because they know that it automatically puts them in the 5% when they’re doing things no one else is willing to subjugate themselves to.

Long-Term Thinking  

Losers: Are waiting for their “lucky break” 

Winners: Make decisions that look insane short-term but obvious in 10 years.  

Saying No  

Losers: Say yes to everything → diluted focus, mediocrity at many things. 

Winners: Say no to almost everything. Ruthlessly protect time and focus.  

Environment

Losers: Believe they can win while allowing themselves to spend most of their time with other loser 

Winners: Understand that you can’t win surrounding yourself with losers, and you can’t lose if you’re surrounding yourself with and allowing yourself to be influenced by other winners

Certainty

Losers: Chase guarantees

Winners: Chase opportunities 

Source Of Learning

Losers: Believe that winning comes from the detials or some hidden secret of success they just haven’t found yet

Winners: Relationshops are the unlock

We live in a time where access to information is not the problem. You have it at the palm of your hand. And yet previous generations had fewer mental health problems were less overweight, had fewer divorces and were more successful financially. 

Why do you need a mentor? Your best thinking has only gotten you to where you are right now. Your nose is an inch from your mouth, but you still need someone else to tell you that you have bad breath. We are too deep in our stories, our lies we tell ourselves, our justifications, our emotions, to see the tree that’s been blocking our path for years. Not everyone who is in your circle is in your corner.

Motivation 

Losers: I need to feel motivated to go to the gym or work on my business

Winners: I’m responsible for generating motivation by taking action. Routines and systems generate motivation, not vice versa. 

Speaking of motivation, let’s take a special look at the exalted idea of “Passion” for a moment:

Losers: Equate passion with self-interest

Winners: Equate passion with selflessly adding value to others 

Losers: Equate passion with natural skills & abilities 

Winners: Equate passion with challenge and becoming something greater 

Losers: Believe that finding their passion comes from “doing what they like” 

Winners: Understand that passion is a byproduct of doing things that work at a high level

Saying “Well, you gotta do what you like,” is like saying, “Well, I’d really like to get in shape, I just don’t want to get wrapped up in the whole ‘eat right and work out 4-5 times a week scam.’”

The reality is you have two choices in life: 

1 - You can do what you like, regardless of whether it works

2 - You can do what works, regardless of how much you dislike the uncomfortability of the growth and change required to become the person who can make it work. There is no version of anyone’s life where all of your preferences work, or where the things that work match up with all of your individual preferences. So you must choose the higher priority.

In other words:

Losers: Are committed to their preferences 

Winners: Are committed to their results

FINANCIAL THOUGHT PROCESS   

Losers: Hoarding money in the bank is what gives me safety and security.   

Winners: Money is a tool and a scorecard. It is most useful when invested and compounded and an ROI (return on investment) is possible, not when it’s just sitting in a bank account or being spent. They don’t gamble with their money but they don’t hang on to it super tightly either because they know they can always make more. 

Losers: “Neck-down investment.” Money fuels self-worth and gratification through consumption 

Winners: “Neck-up investment.” Money funds education, skills, books, courses, coaching, and future goals & dreams 

Losers: Money funds a predictable, comfortable life, avoiding challenges or perceived risks that might disrupt their current worldview

Winners: Money enables risk-taking and provides a safety net to pursue bold ventures, like starting a business or exploring new paths. I can always make more. 

Losers: Are okay trading 5 days of their life for a paycheck and 2 days of “freedom.” 

Winners: Trading 5 of anything for 2 of anything is bad math. 

Losers: Money helps maintain the comfortable status quo, and we can’t risk threatening that. 

Winners: Money is for investing in new experiences and expanding what’s possible, not just maintaining. 

Losers: Money should be for trading to buy STUFF

Winners: Money should be for investing to buy back TIME

Losers: I use the money I make from my business to pay my bills 

Winners: I use the money from my business to continue to grow my business   

Losers: Use their current income to define their self-worth 

Winners: Use their ability to level-up their identity & self-worth to change their income

Losers: Money enables them to maintain their rigid sense of self, security, and social position 

Winners: Money enables their potential 

Losers: Money is a tool to provide value for themselves

Winners: Money is a tool to provide value for others. Ironically, money for themselves becomes a non-issue paradoxically because they’re focusing on using it to add value to others, thereby enhancing their own worth. 

Losers: Think that the price of consumption is simply what’s on the price tag 

Winners: Understand that the price tag on the stuff people buy (a new TV, a new car, a new home, etc) comes with a far greater price attached to it: Time. The more stuff I accumulate, the more of my precious life I need to spend maintaining and taking care of it. 

Losers: Believe that the price of consumption is money 

Winners: Understand that you don’t pay for things with money, but with chunks of your life traded for that money. What % of your life did you trade for that new pickup truck?

Losers: Buy the lie that success is “sometime in the future” if you do the “smart” thing by saving and investing for 40 years 

Winners: Appreciate the shortness of life and don’t wait to invest their money in things that matter now 

To sum it all up? 

You interview enough wealthy people who have amazing marriages, control over their time, peace, joy, and purpose, and you’ll find one common mindset: They chose the identity they wanted, built the right environment around them (inputs, relationships, influences, etc) to reinforce it, acted according to that identity, and thereby generated the feelings that reinforced said identity.  

The gap is almost never raw intelligence or talent — it’s the operating system in the brain. Your brain is a garden. It doesn’t take effort for weeds to grow, but you can choose what you plant and how you protect it.