How Coachable Are You?

99% of your success this year depends on this one thing:

David McClelland, a professor at Harvard conducted this study. He found out the staggering truth about successful people.

99% of your life's success is dictated by what he calls the "Reference Group". A Reference Group is the top 5 people you spend the most time with. BUT that's not the most important part.

Out of the 5 people, the 1 person that you spend the most time with has more impact on your success compared to the other 4 combined. That is generally your spouse, partner, boyfriend, girlfriend, life partner, etc. Basically the person you are romantically engaged with.

Outside of your partner, who are you being influenced by? If you have a coach or a mentor, how ready to be influenced are you? Are you deceiving yourself into believing you’re coachable when your coach hasn’t told you the one thing you need to change because they can sense you’re not ready for it yet? Are they even in your top 5?

In the book ‘Who Not How’ by Dr. Benjamin Hardy, here’s what he says about the highest standard of living (hint: it’s not Independence):

“When you develop collaborations, particularly with world-class talent, projects and businesses can quickly expand far beyond the initial concept. Harvard psychologist Dr. Robert Kegan has a term for this - The Transforming Self - and he considers it the highest form of psychological and emotional evolution.

According to Kegan, the basest form of psychological development is the Socializing Self, which is when a person operates out of fear, anxiety, and dependence. You don't make your own decisions. You don't have your own goals. Instead, you are simply trying to be accepted by your peers and will do anything you can to conform with them.

Above the Socializing Self is the Authoring Self, which is when you've gone from unhealthily dependent to a much more healthy independence. You've developed your own sense of self. You have a worldview, goals, and an agenda.

However, you still have a perceptual filter and therefore blindspots that you cannot see beyond. Everything you do is to confirm your bias and achieve your narrow, 2x goals. This is where most people stop.

That's the power of having a Who - you instantly get access to knowledge, insights, resources, and capabilities that are not currently available to you.

Focusing “on How" to do something is linear and slow.

Focusing on collaboration with “Who" can help you is non-linear, instantaneous, and exponential.” -Dr Benjamin Hardy, Who Now How

How Coachable Are You? – A Quick Self-Assessment Quiz

This 10-question quiz is designed to help you gauge your level of coachability. For each statement, choose the option that best describes you most of the time.

Answer choices:

A. Strongly Disagree (1 point)

B. Disagree (2 points)

C. Neutral / Sometimes (3 points)

- D. Agree (4 points)

- E. Strongly Agree (5 points)

Quiz Questions

1. I actively seek feedback from others about my performance or behavior, even when I’m not required to.  

2. When someone gives me critical feedback, I listen carefully without getting defensive or making excuses (no matter how the feedback was delivered).  

3. I view mistakes and setbacks as valuable learning opportunities rather than failures.  

4. I implement new approaches or behaviors suggested by my coach right away, even if they feel uncomfortable at first.  

5. I regularly reflect on my own blind spots or limiting beliefs that might be holding me back.  

6. After receiving advice or suggestions, I usually experiment with applying them in real situations right away.  

7. Personal growth and continuous learning are high priorities for me—I invest time and effort into improving myself through reading & listening and I regularly take notes on what I’m studying.  

8. I’m open to changing long-held habits or ways of thinking if evidence shows they’re not serving me well.  

9. When things don’t go as planned, my first instinct is to ask, “What can I learn from this?” rather than blaming external factors.  

10. I reach out to my coach more than they reach out to me 

Scoring

Add up your points (A=1, B=2, C=3, D=4, E=5).

**40–50 points: Highly Coachable**  

You’re very open to growth and feedback. You likely thrive with coaching or mentoring and see challenges as opportunities. Keep leaning into this strength!

**30–39 points: Moderately Coachable**  

You have solid coachability with room to grow. You’re generally receptive, but there may be situations where defensiveness or comfort zones hold you back. Focusing on one or two areas (like seeking feedback more proactively) could boost your results significantly.

**20–29 points: Developing Coachability**  

You may resist feedback or change in certain contexts. This is common and totally fixable! Start small: practice asking for one piece of feedback per week and genuinely trying one suggestion.

**10–19 points: Low Coachability (Currently)**  

Feedback or change might feel threatening right now. That’s okay—awareness is the first step. Consider exploring why feedback feels difficult (past experiences, fear of failure, etc.) and begin with low-stakes experiments in openness.

Remember: Coachability isn’t fixed—it’s a skill you can build over time. The more honest you are with your answers, the more useful this quiz becomes.

Here are some great questions to get the most of your coach or mentor if you have one (specifically as a business coach in this context):

 1. Questions Exposing Personal Blind Spots and Fears

   These probe your inner world, revealing how ego, past traumas, or limiting beliefs sabotage success. People avoid them because they feel too personal or "unbusinesslike," but answering them uncovers the root of procrastination, indecision, or burnout.

   - "What are you pretending not to know about your own role in your business's failures?"

   - "If money and status weren't factors, what part of your business (or life) would you walk away from tomorrow, and why?"

   - "What fear is really driving your daily decisions—failure, rejection, or something else—and how is it showing up in your leadership?"

 2. Questions Challenging Assumptions and the Status Quo

   These force you to question "business as usual," highlighting outdated strategies or sacred cows. Fear stems from the risk of invalidating years of effort, but they spark innovation and adaptation.

   - "If your competitors knew your biggest weakness, what would they exploit, and why haven't you fixed it yet?"

   - "What 'truth' about your industry or market are you clinging to that's no longer valid, and what's the cost of ignoring it?"

   - "If you had to rebuild your business from scratch today, what 80% of your current operations would you eliminate, and why?"

 3. Questions on Accountability and Ownership

   These demand radical honesty about excuses and blame-shifting. People dodge them to protect their self-image, but they build resilience and empower real change.

   - "Where are you playing the victim in your business challenges, and what would happen if you took 100% responsibility?"

   - "What promises have you broken to yourself or your team, and how has that eroded trust?"

   - "If your business fails in the next year, what will you admit was entirely your fault?"

 4. Questions About Vision, Purpose, and Long-Term Impact

   These dig into alignment between your goals and reality, often revealing mismatches. Avoidance comes from fearing a lack of meaning or the need for pivots, but they clarify direction and motivation.

   - "What does success look like beyond metrics—what legacy do you want, and are your actions aligned with it?"

   - "If your partners or customers were brutally honest, what would they say you're truly passionate about versus what you're just tolerating?"

   - "What's the one change you know you need to make but are too scared to, and what's the worst that could happen if you did?"

One last quote from ‘Who Not How:’

“In elementary school, you were taught that getting help from others is "cheating." You were not taught to enlist the help and capabilities of your peers. Yet in the world of business and life, collaboration is the name of the game. Getting help from others not only enables you to create success in your life but also gives you a deep sense of meaning and belonging.

When you focus on "How," you quickly become isolated in your goals. Focusing on How comes from the faulty reasoning that you are 100 percent responsible for getting the job done. This may lead to a good work ethic, but ultimately, it's not smart. There is no reward for doing lots of tasks and working yourself to death in mediocre fashion. Results are what count.

Being isolated and alone in your goals does damage to your perspective, warping you into a cynical person with limiting views of yourself and other people. You undervalue the contribution of other people and also underestimate what you could be and what you could accomplish.

Your vision shrinks and becomes focused on what you solely can do, and you stop relating well with others. You see people dogmatically and inflexibly, including yourself.

You never grow into a leader or decision-maker. You don't experience the joys and transformation of teamwork and growing success. You limit your freedom.

The antidote to being isolated in your goals is asking:

"Who can help me accomplish this?"