Why You (Your Excuses) Suck

Do you tend to give up easily? 

Do you believe that others have certain advantages (personality, socio-economic status, talent, abilities) that explain their greater success in their lives? 

Do you believe that your abilities and potential are fixed? 

Then you may have…*(duhn duhn DUHHHHN)*.... A FIXED MINDSET. Oh no! Wait...What’s a Fixed Mindset?

“In a fixed mindset, people believe their qualities are fixed traits and therefore cannot change. These people document their intelligence and talents rather than working to develop and improve them. They also believe that talent alone leads to success, and effort is not required.

In a growth mindset, people have an underlying belief that their learning and intelligence can grow with time and experience. When people believe they can become smarter, they realize that their effort has an effect on their success, so they put in extra time, leading to higher achievement.” 

Below I use two examples of self-sabotage that may be getting in the way of creating the life you want. See if you can identify with any of these to remove the booby-traps you’ve set up for yourself along your journey:

Comparison To Other, More Successful People

“Of course Bob is successful, he’s better at this than I am.”

“Well of course Mary overcame her struggles, she’s amazing! But if you were in my situation and understood my inadequacies you’d understand why this is difficult for me.”

Fatal Fixed Mindset Flaw: You feel threatened and insecure when confronted with others’ successes because you’ve talked yourself into believing that other successful people became unduly so because of good fortune or luck, not performance. 

People with a fixed mindset regard effort as useless energy, because in their minds if their ability is fixed then it should either ‘work’ right away or ‘not work’ based on innate traits. 

You are assuming that because your own abilities, intelligence, and talents are “fixed,” that so are Bob’s. So if that’s the case, why fight the inevitable if Bob is just inherently smarter, more talented, and better than you?  “You don’t have any talent, so this is not possible.” 

Growth Mindset Solution:  “Bob is better at this because he’s put in more hours, done more reflection, learned from his mistakes, and improved over time trying different things. The best, most ‘talented’ athletes in the world train hard for endless hours each and every day to achieve peak performance. It IS possible.” 

Individuals with a growth mindset need effort for knowledge, learning, and ultimately success. People with a growth mindset understand that their talent and intelligence can be strengthened and developed through hard work. They place strong emphasis on learning and little attention to appearing smart. They welcome challenges as opportunities for growth. Obstacles and failures are not deterrents nor is the fear of making mistakes because their self image isn’t based on insecurities. Their ideology dictates that they can win at anything with enough hard work. 

Using Past Efforts To Predict Future Results

“I’ve been doing this for so long and working SO hard, how are any future efforts going to be any different?”

Fatal Fixed Mindset Flaw: When people believe their lack of ability drives their failures, they become less than inspired to make any effort, and are therefore unlikely to succeed when those negative expectations come to fruition after a little sustained effort. They would rather believe that consistent effort without results reveals some innate lack of ability, or a fatal flaw that dooms them to failure no matter how hard they try. And then, internalizing that criticism as self-condemnation or rejection allows them to justify minimizing opportunities to improve their thought process or grow as a person. 

People who adopt a fixed mindset see intelligence as an innate trait that won’t change over time. So, they struggle with challenges because it might show inadequacy or deficiencies, and they struggle with unpredictability. They believe they “are who they are” and are systematically uninspired to put forth much effort. They either ignore criticism or take it as a deep wound that calls to attention their imperfection.

Also, if it IS true through the Fixed-Mindset lens that abilities are fixed, past failures obviously point to future failures. This introduces the insidious words ‘always’ and ‘never:’

“This is never going to work.” 

“I always do this.” 

“I’m never going to be able to get this right.” 

Using “always” or “never” is a way to label yourself with a fixed identity that can’t change, which allows oneself to justify putting forth little or no further effort, thereby protecting and nurturing their own festering insecurities instead of growing through them.

Growth Mindset Solution:  “Maybe lack of effort isn’t my problem, maybe I’m either a.) not doing something correctly and need to reflect or seek guidance, or b.) I’m overestimating the amount of effort I’ve put in because I feel like I should be getting the same amount of output with the same amount of input as someone successful. The reality is that I’m not making a fair comparison, because the person I’m comparing myself to has put in countless more hours than I have to polish their skill set. I am believing the lie that it’s a lack of ability driving my failure instead of a lack of intentional effort over a far more substantial timeframe, combined with reflection and the willingness to go through repeated trial & error.”

Summary of Solutions

1.) Start by taking responsibility for overcoming challenges instead of avoiding them

2.) Stop waiting for the ‘Fantasy of Fair:’

Tommy Newberry, in his book “Success Is Not An Accident,” says:

“Another key step in striving for success is to get over expecting life to be fair. A level playing field is a self- indulgent and unproductive fantasy. In this world, it will never happen, nor should it. Insisting on a level playing field disrupts your attention and distracts you from your ultimate objective. Instead, as a high performer, you must deal with the reality of the present situation. You need to focus on reaching your goals rather than on the obstacles that stand in your way. This choice leads to accomplishment and progress, and it leads away from aggravation and alienation. Recognize that everyone has disadvantages, handicaps, weaknesses, and various other crosses to bear. A big part of life is learning how to transform your disadvantages into advantages. While directing your energy toward “making things fair” is often counterproductive, channeling your spiritual, mental, and physical energy toward achieving meaningful goals is a constructive investment of time...Life is filled with champions who drew extremely poor hands and losers who drew terrific hands. Success is for you and anyone willing to take the initiative and pay the price.”

3.) Create your identity around Improvement, Development, Vision, Vocation and Direction, not purely based on Performance or Immediate Results. The former path provides you an endless amount of opportunities to reach your goals and gives you the satisfaction of improvement along the way, while the latter path is a guaranteed way to be miserable since every success involves an inevitable string of ‘learning opportunities’ (if you have a fixed-mindset you might call them ‘failures’) along the way.

4.) Stop saying ‘always’ and ‘never.’ Start treating your goals as a puzzle that you’re simply missing a piece of that is discoverable with enough effort, instead of an inheritance that fate deemed you worthy or unworthy of. 

5.) When you feel your fixed mindset creeping in, have a dialogue between your FM (fixed mindset) and the GM (growth mindset) you want:

FM: “Why are you trying that? You have no experience.” 

GM: “I am eager to learn and will devote the time and effort.” 

FM: “What if you mess up? Everyone will know you’re a failure.” 

GM: “People fail all the time and bounce right back up.” 

FM: “You don’t have any talent, so this is not possible.” 

GM: “Sorry, wrong again. Athletes train hard for endless hours each and every day to achieve peak performance. It IS possible.”

So next time you’re tempted to slip into victimhood and wonder why life isn’t fulfilling your own personal “Bill of Rights,” choose (not ‘try’) your own personal ‘Bill of Responsibilities,’ as Tommy Newberry says:

The Bill of Responsibilities

I. You have the responsibility to ask only for opportunity.

II. You have the responsibility to seek and find your true place in life. 

III. You have the responsibility to write down compelling goals for your life. 

IV. You have the responsibility to invest your minutes and hours wisely. 

V. You have the responsibility to visualize the attainment of your goals in rich, vivid detail. 

VI. You have the responsibility to talk yourself into success. 

VII. You have the responsibility to choose a high-energy lifestyle. 

VIII. You have the responsibility to develop every area of your life to its maximum. 

IX. You have the responsibility to provide more value and contribution if you desire more rewards. 

X. You have the responsibility to persist until you succeed.